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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Fixxxer's LiveJournal:

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    Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008
    8:08 pm
    Sunburned
    The small of my back is sunburned to hell and back. I spent yesterday swimming at Wakulla Springs. This was my childhood stomping ground, and I'm pleased to be able to reclaim some tiny portion of a time in my life when I was somewhat innocent. I do wish I knew more people willing to go out there with me. While cooling off on a hot summer day in water that's 69 degrees year-round is nice, I miss doing some of the things I did when I was a child...swimming, racing, tower diving, etc.
    Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
    1:55 pm
    So the wife has been keeping track of my prescriptions recently. She noticed I've been skimping on the most expensive one, not taking it when I was supposed to. I just hate paying so much money that could be going into savings on pills. Don't get me wrong, I believe in modern medicine and I have no problem with the medications I take...aside from actually having to pay for them, obviously. Anyhow, she cornered me yesterday and called me out on it. Then she made me renew my prescription and go buy more. As much as I hated to shell out the money, I did manage to sleep from midnight to 9am without any problems. Let's see if I can make that a habit again.
    Saturday, June 28th, 2008
    3:38 am
    A good author is capable of telling a very good story. He or she can entertain you with well-written prose and likable characters, making you feel glad you took the time to read their story. Through their ability with the written word, you'll empathize with the characters and take an interest in what happens to them.

    A great author is capable of weaving a story so wonderful and compelling that you not only empathize with the characters, but you actually feel as though you are somehow part of the story. Not just some shmoe who shelled out $20 for a book, but an actual part of an actual story that's actually happening. There are precious few great authors.

    Jacqueline Carey is a great author. Her ability with the written word is such that I literally lose myself in her stories, as they play on hidden harp strings of emotion that I hadn't expected to expose. I just finished her most recent book. At various times, I caught myself laughing aloud, gripping the cover of the book with anticipation and, most telling of all, thinking in terms of "I have to do this" or "I have to say that" instead of thinking that the protagonist should do or say these things.

    While I've read literally hundreds of worthwhile pieces of literature over the years, it's rare for me to become as emotionally involved in a story as I was in her latest trilogy, perhaps most especially the last of them. Odds are infinitesimally small that you'll ever see these words, but I just wanted to say thank you for the experience, Jacqueline Carey.

    Wednesday, June 25th, 2008
    6:42 pm
    How often do you get so grabbed by a book that you literally can't put it down? It doesn't happen very often to me. I've read books that grabbed me, but it's been a long time since I read a book that grabbed me, threw me on the bed, kicked all my teeth out of my head and threw a washcloth at me, sneering and telling me to clean myself up before spitting on me.

    Perhaps that's not the best way to put this.

    Anyhow, I laid down last night with my latest book, intending to read the first chapter or two before bed. Several hours and 703 pages later, I finally managed to put it down, completed. It's been a LONG time since that happened.

    Tuesday, June 24th, 2008
    6:45 am
    For the wife
    If you're considering getting something for my birthday and haven't done so already, I really don't think you could do better than THIS.
    Thursday, June 19th, 2008
    10:52 pm
    There are days when no matter how well things seem to go, one feels a strong inclination towards chewing on the business end of a shotgun and swallowing the bullet the hard way.
    1:33 am
    WHAT I NEED OR I'LL FUCKING DIE!!!

    I hate reality tv, but I came downstairs one day to find the wife in the middle of the weekly Top Chef marathon. I sat and watched with her to humor her, but found myself liking the majority of what I saw. There were talented people doing wonderful things and creating tasty-looking food. On yeah, and some drama to fast forward through. Regardless, I set the DVR to tape the show. Usually, I'd delete the episodes after the judges' decision. For whatever reason, I ended up watching one of them through the credits, where they beeped in a short clip of one of the competitors looking at the camera and saying "I have a culinary boner right now!" And now they've made a shirt out of it. Yeah...I'm gonna have to get me three of those.
    Monday, June 16th, 2008
    1:27 am
    Fact: Venture Brothers is the best animated show in the history of anything, ever.
    Fact: If you disagree, you're a damn dirty communist hippie.
    Fact: Damn dirty communist hippies suck.
    Thursday, June 12th, 2008
    10:00 pm
    Notice
    I got asked again yesterday, so I thought I'd nip the majority of future inquiries in the bud. A large majority of my local friends read my LiveJournal, so let this serve as an informative notice.

    I no longer lend out books or DVDs.

    Please do not take this personally. This is an across-the-board deal, so please don't feel like I'm singling you out for any reason.

    On a related side note, I don't mind if anyone watches my DVDs or flips through my books while you're here, but please put them back where you found them --in the order in which you found them-- when you are done.

    Thank you.
    8:58 pm
    Dear Bill Engvall,

    You're a funny guy. I really mean that. You have made me laugh at least 80% of the time (when you weren't recycling the same jokes over and over, that is) that I've seen your stand up. And I'm happy for you that you have your own show. I'm glad things are working out for you.

    However, part of the ad campaign for your show includes you and your family (or the actors that play your family, I'm sure) stepping out onto the bottom of the screen during Family Guy, and you pausing the show I'm watching so you can pimp your own. Now, I'm not a stupid man, so I know this is probably not something you came up with. Still, it's annoying as hell, and...well...you can just...

    Fuck.
    Right.
    Off.
    Monday, June 2nd, 2008
    12:33 am
    I wish...
    I wish that the US had school like Japan has school. I wish that kids attended school year-round and with limited breaks. Perhaps then our country wouldn't be full of so many stupid people.

    I wish that citizenship came in several stages, and that in order to achieve certain rights we, as a nation, obviously take for granted, one had to get a 4-year college degree, pass a federally-designed BAR exam or serve a few years in the military. Perhaps then people would have more involved with our nation, our legal system and our system of government and wouldn't find so much to bitch about while they sit on their asses and don't contribute.

    I wish that survival of the fittest was built into the law of the land. Perhaps then the terminally stupid would already be dead, and I wouldn't have to listen to them talk in a theater.
    Saturday, May 31st, 2008
    1:35 pm
    I like spicy BBQ sauce. I don't mind sweet sauces at all, but I generally like a nice molasses-heavy spicy sauce. Until recently, if I bought BBQ sauce from the grocery store, it was KC Masterpiece's "Bold and Spicy" sauce, which wasn't bad. Recently, I've been unable to find it in any store, and the shelves have been stocked with a new line of KC's sweet sauces. Fuck you in your ass with a splintered broom handle, KC Masterpiece. I guess I'm just gonna have to start making my own BBQ sauce again.

    Why the hell does it have to be so hot in Florida? I'd move in a New York minute if I could.

    A recent post made by [info]jfargo has reminded me why I never post anything that asks for X number of responses or a favorite response. You ask for someone's top 3 choices about something, and they instead give you a comprehensive list, including references to pages from Encyclopedia Brittanica and a list of accompanying sheet music. You ask for someone's favorite choice and they say "well, it's a tie between..." and give you another such list.

    The staff of The Dungeons & Dragons Archive slaved and agonized over collecting funds for prizes and marketing our latest contest, and we didn't get a single entry. There were a few people who had legitimate reasons for why they didn't help out by offering something up when they normally would have (school finals and all that), but I really don't get why we got absolutely nothing. Certainly people are under no obligation to submit anything, but it just makes me extremely disappointed that we went through so much work and got nothing for our troubles.

    All of my Guitar Hero/Rock Band controllers are dead. That blows.
    Monday, May 5th, 2008
    3:39 pm
    Thursday, April 24th, 2008
    2:50 pm
    This Saturday is the wedding of my good friend Didge. Things are looking extremely up for you, buddy.

    It's also my wedding anniversary. Don't be surprised if no one answers the phone or the door this weekend. Seriously.
    Sunday, April 13th, 2008
    10:57 pm
    Which of you has my copy of The Comming of Conan the Cimmerian? I remember loaning it out to one of you that was involved with Andrew's Conan game, but I don't remember who has it. If you're done with it, I'd like to read it again.
    Friday, April 4th, 2008
    8:17 pm
    This is a conversation I just finished having with the warehouse manager at my local Sears. I swear I'm not making this up.

    Him: "Yeah, we're still looking for your package."
    Me: "Well, I was here this morning at 11 after receiving a voice mail saying I could come pick up my package. The guy on the floor said that yesterday's truck still hadn't been unloaded and that my package was on it."
    Him: "Yeah, well we're a man short today."
    Me: "Right. But you close in an hour. That means that the stuff on your Thursday truck won't be unloaded until at least Saturday. I didn't want to order the thing in the first place, but you were out of them in the store and the girl assured me I'd have it by Friday. I just finished telling my wife I was going to come get my package or I was going to stab someone in the neck with a screwdriver."
    Him: (polite laugh) "Well, everything's unloaded, but we haven't cataloged it yet. We gotta scan everything to get it in the computer."
    Me: (disbelieving of the situation) "So I can't get it until tomorrow?"
    Him: "Yeah. Yeah, we should have it done by then."
    Me: "Do you have a screwdriver I can borrow?"


    Should? They should have it by tomorrow? If I thought it would do me any good at all, I'd write a letter to the corporate office. The fact that they're one man down is an excuse for not getting their truck put away until two days after it arrives? What kind of fucking bullshit is that? The fact that when I was there for the second time, everyone except one guy was just fucking standing the fuck around and not fucking unloading or scanning fucking boxes really, really pisses me off.
    Thursday, April 3rd, 2008
    2:14 pm
    So, my oven died. Whatever coil is inside the element just up and got too hot and started to fry its way through the element walls. There's a spiral pattern around the element that looks like welding slag, which is the melted part. The wife called our landlady, who suggested we remove the element and take it to Sears along with the serial number of the oven and get them to give us a replacement, ooooor we could wait until she finds someone to come fix it. So, this post is dedicated to her.

    Fuck you.

    FUCK.
    YOU.

    Fuck you and your mother and the horse you rode in on. Let's forget for the time being that every fix-it person you've sent to this house has been a complete and total moron. Let's forget that everything with this house that needs fixing has been done either by myself or by one of your fix-it people, then again by myself when they do a fuck-up job. Let's forget the three month period when we sent you rent checks in the mail, but you didn't respond to our phone calls about how there was a leak in the sewer line in our yard (which, I might fucking add, is now one giant ant hill). Let's go ahead and forget all of that.

    What you're saying here is that if I, a food lover and professional chef...someone who obviously enjoys cooking and eating...if I want to be able to cook in the house I fucking pay you for, I have to do all the labor and I have to do all the leg work and when you get around to it, you might just reimburse me for the material cost involved with your faulty piece of equipment...is this correct? And exactly how am I supposed to find the part number for this ancient monstrosity (which works half a step better than building a campfire in my kitchen and cooking my food over it) when the aluminum plate that contained said information has long since corroded beyond any readability? How is it, exactly, that you figure they're going to be able to just hand me a part to an oven that was probably old when green shag carpeting and bellbottoms came into style? Care to tell me these things, you fucking bitch?

    I'm considering moving all my stuff to storage and burning your fucking property to the ground.
    Saturday, March 29th, 2008
    11:27 pm
    Want to know what spooky feels like? Watch a good zombie movie in DTS surround sound. That's what the dog and I just did. It's got me double checking the door locks.
    Monday, March 24th, 2008
    3:17 pm
    In case anyone is wondering, the Dungeons and Dragons Archive site is temporarily down, so it's not on your end. Apparently, there's some server problem at the site host's end that's got several sites down and they're working to fix it. Hopefully, that will happen sooner rather than later, as I imagine my email box is already chock full of messages promising me a bigger penis and better sex, but never delivering. Bastards.

    As a side note, if you leave church on Easter Sunday and go to a restaurant, you have absolutely no right to complain that your wait to be seated is long. You brought it on yourself by having the exact same idea as everyone else in every church in the country. So shut up.
    Saturday, March 1st, 2008
    4:00 pm
    You're not going to believe this. Seriously, you probably won't. But it's true. The following really did happen today.

    While I was working in the kitchen and getting ready to kick off and go home, some anonymous person took a shit in the dining room. See? I said you wouldn't believe. But it's true. Someone popped a squat and quickly vacated, leaving behind only the fresh scent of pine. And poop. Horrible-smelling poop. Four other tables got up and left prior to eating because the stench was so bad.

    Seriously, wtf?
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